christmas,nba,new year

It was my very first Christmas Eve without my Parents,since I worked graveyard shift....so I went home immediately after work, greeted and hugged my Mother..I cant imagine spending christmas without them....separation anxiety sinks in...my Parents are the best gift ever...I know they have been wanting us to start a new chapter in our lives, so that means we need to be mature just like anybody else. They have been wanting us to seek a new life without them.

I admit its really hard for me...

another unproductive day

I call it unproductive since I was not able to report to work and was tagged as no call no show status but someone called and saved my ass, they forced me to call sick hotline even if its already 4 hours after my shift.
I woke up thinking..oh here I go again,pondering of the shits that I have done, I really hate this moment, where you wake up,realizing you messed up again, and I do hope they would understand what you`ll feel under the influence of alcohol and I say I was crazy,annoying..just like that. I am uncontrollable.

if only

I cant help it. She is getting prettieerrrr everyday, Its like I wanted to tell her that, its been a long time since we havent talked with each other, cause there is really nothing that we can talk of.
I have been hiding these feelings for quite some time already and I guess i`ll just hold on to these...I mean I wont tell her, or wont tell anyone about this. I guess im fond of hiding secrets, the last time I kept something from myself broke my heart....and thoughts of "If only" phrases kicks in after.

drunken master

I usually talk shit when im drunk. I dont want to be in that state anymore. I thought I sound annoying,very annoying when im drunk, I thought I have been sober since I lost my appetite on drinking booze lately, but after few drinks I got back on track, and even worser, I fell asleep at my friends house and everyone left, leaving me drooling on sofa. Its so humiliating and I`ll never ever do that again. I guess I was just too excited at that time that I drank like theres no tomorrow, I should controlled myself, but everything is too late, and it leaves my a laughing stack when I get back to work, and I hated that, they are never going to forget that, I really regret that shit... But oh well, this is me, being single, being not yet ready for any big responsibilities in life. I felt like I took the wrong path, I could have been better right now, I cant blame anyone but me, this is so stressful, it really kills me. talkin` about the big D!

I dont want to talk to anybody right now, I really lost track....

sleepless

I guess everyone else have experience sleepless nights...and I have been experiencing this ever since, it`s not because I am working mostly on night shift for almost 3 years already, but I have always been this way. I`m a kind of person who could take hours to fall into coma, unless im drunk or tired of course...


I remember back in my college years, I usually play hardcore or heavy metal stuff on cd player to knock me out...and I dont know why,normally it is very disturbing sound to others, but for me it`s my habit so I can go to sleep faster...Maybe it has something to do with my control center, because at the end of the day I used to think of all the stuffs I have been through..to what could I have done something or what not...and upon hearing those heavy noise I tend to forget something that I should not think of..but im definitely normal...I guess a lot of people have other techniques on how to sleep easily....

Few years back,about 3 years ago, I have discovered a magic pill, not harmless or something, it`s like food or drug supplement that can induce sleepiness. Melatonin it`s a drug that you might think it`s dangerous if you heard it for the first time, I tried it once and got addicted, I found out one of my Grandmother is taking that pill and cursed not to take it anymore, because she usually experience "Sleep walk" after taking the pill...and I say I need to have that drug...which I did and it kinda help me a lot. I was able to sleep normally...

They say a glass of warm milk before going to sleep can help, and I say a case of beer can help too..