Quitting

Why I find it so hard to quit smoking?..and when or how did I stared smoking anyway? Way back in high school, I really find smokers disgusting, and judging from their looks, they don`t look too good, unhealthy and a possible burden in the society, So I have never imagine myself smoking. But there came a time I was really curious, and tried one stick, it felt nothing, I was playing the smoke in and out of my nostrils, nothing really useful that I have to lit another one, College days came, most of my friends are puffing smoke outside the campus, They would sometimes offer me a stick, that I would then refuse telling them I dont smoke, They were a bit surprised, and I was surprised as well, Do I really look like a bad ass smoker before? But yeah, One day I tried accepting their offer I tried copying them, how to puff, inhaling the good smoke inside my lungs,exhaling it out like theres no tomorrow, and waddayaknow I got hooked. Damn, I feel like I wanna smoke everyday, every hour, every after meal, every after class, before I go to sleep. I realized it runs with my blood, my father and my bro is a world class smoker, I mean they smoke whenever they wanted to, So there it goes, I started hiding from my parents, until they are now complaining that my room smells like shit from the smokes I hid. My mother always see residual left overs from the cigarette I hide from my pocket. So obviously they knew that I smoke, which they find not hard to understand, my mother never fails to inform me almost everyday that She got used to it, which I really regret from the bottom of my heart. I was so stubborn, so hard headed until side effects are slowly taunting my body, my stamina, my active life went down, fatigue came in, intermittent cough (smokers cough) came in. Few years after I find no reason to quit even after experiencing a lot of sickness, I feel like my stress or any tense in my body tends to disappear when I smoke, and I feel like I`m socially connected when smoking in public, But ironically the more I smoke, the more I was aware of the consequences. For me smoking is my hobby and can never imagine life without it. ----->> to be continued.